I have always wondered what “worth it” meant! I love my children and I like them and want them, but I can’t tell you if they were worth it. I can’t quantify my children’s worth like that. I don’t know exactly what they are “worth.” Not my sanity, which I did give up for a time. Two things can be true at once: I love them, and I suffered greatly after giving birth to them.
Amazing, insightful and profound Tara. I’ve never heard stories of my mother before she was my mother really, just stories of her shitty childhood and her working since she was ten and hasn’t stopped since. What I do know is recently my mother whispered these words “I hate this life” and it stings because my struggles my sisters mistakes, our unfulfilled lives in which she put all her happiness at stake on, has yet to bear the fruits she was wanting (whatever the hell that looks like). When Christ was on the cross and spoke these words “forgive them for they know not what they do” makes me think that that’s something only a self sacrificial loving mother would say. I can’t fully comprehend what it means to be a mother but I do believe we are all part masculine and part feminine that deep down inside every man is the ability to have compassion and empathy towards all woman and to see through their lens and to experience, if even only a fraction, their pain and stories. On my own journey of healing my inner feminine and mother wounds and taking sacred medicine (yes I’m talking about plant based psychedelics) I’m often taken to a world filled with the collective suffering of the daughters of this earth. So heavy and so painful and sad was this trip that I wept for hrs and hrs at my own pitiful helplessness to alleviate it, my own inner man wants to fix it, wants to literally kill the perpetrators (but I’d go to jail) so instead I write music and poetry, woman are often the only muse for my music my daughter, my ex wife, my mother, my grandmother all of them have songs inspired by them and for them. What I am able to do though is fill my daughter with so much confidence, passion and magic and teach her the unsung stories of all the amazing woman throughout history that I was never told about or talked about in school. Myself my daughter, and my son make up my holy trinity (even have a 3 tattooed on me to symbolize this) and me and my son both know and have elected Adelaide to be the leader, the queen. The ancient Gaelics had Druid queens and kings, priest queens and kings, said to be the living spirits of the land. To them you could be a queen without a king but could never be a king without a queen. To them woman where the holy grail, the well of living water, the philosophers stone, the tree of life they were revered and honored. Anyways amazing writing Tara absolutely amazing.
I’m glad Adelaide has you teaching stories about other women. There is a real power in a father or male figure demonstrating respect and admiration for the women who shaped his life and hers. 💜
I have always wondered what “worth it” meant! I love my children and I like them and want them, but I can’t tell you if they were worth it. I can’t quantify my children’s worth like that. I don’t know exactly what they are “worth.” Not my sanity, which I did give up for a time. Two things can be true at once: I love them, and I suffered greatly after giving birth to them.
Oooh yes. I love them, and I suffered greatly after giving birth to them.” (And for me after conceiving bc pregnancy was a nightmare for me as well).
Pregnancy was horrid. I had hyperemisis so I spent a lot of time in the hospital getting rehydrated. I wish it hadn’t been a nightmare for you too. 💜
Oof. This is immaculate.
Thank you for your help and support in creating this.
Amazing, insightful and profound Tara. I’ve never heard stories of my mother before she was my mother really, just stories of her shitty childhood and her working since she was ten and hasn’t stopped since. What I do know is recently my mother whispered these words “I hate this life” and it stings because my struggles my sisters mistakes, our unfulfilled lives in which she put all her happiness at stake on, has yet to bear the fruits she was wanting (whatever the hell that looks like). When Christ was on the cross and spoke these words “forgive them for they know not what they do” makes me think that that’s something only a self sacrificial loving mother would say. I can’t fully comprehend what it means to be a mother but I do believe we are all part masculine and part feminine that deep down inside every man is the ability to have compassion and empathy towards all woman and to see through their lens and to experience, if even only a fraction, their pain and stories. On my own journey of healing my inner feminine and mother wounds and taking sacred medicine (yes I’m talking about plant based psychedelics) I’m often taken to a world filled with the collective suffering of the daughters of this earth. So heavy and so painful and sad was this trip that I wept for hrs and hrs at my own pitiful helplessness to alleviate it, my own inner man wants to fix it, wants to literally kill the perpetrators (but I’d go to jail) so instead I write music and poetry, woman are often the only muse for my music my daughter, my ex wife, my mother, my grandmother all of them have songs inspired by them and for them. What I am able to do though is fill my daughter with so much confidence, passion and magic and teach her the unsung stories of all the amazing woman throughout history that I was never told about or talked about in school. Myself my daughter, and my son make up my holy trinity (even have a 3 tattooed on me to symbolize this) and me and my son both know and have elected Adelaide to be the leader, the queen. The ancient Gaelics had Druid queens and kings, priest queens and kings, said to be the living spirits of the land. To them you could be a queen without a king but could never be a king without a queen. To them woman where the holy grail, the well of living water, the philosophers stone, the tree of life they were revered and honored. Anyways amazing writing Tara absolutely amazing.
I’m glad Adelaide has you teaching stories about other women. There is a real power in a father or male figure demonstrating respect and admiration for the women who shaped his life and hers. 💜